Favorite Son and EW Sailing in USVI in 2012
Ever since I started blogging and Tweeting back in Maine, EW has been known to introduce himself as “The Topic”, and he got used to knowing which conversations and incidents were likely to become a tweet or a post.
This is a truthful blog but not a “tell-all” blog and more of the truth is about EW than it is about me. Some of the things I don’t tell might make me look bad, and EW would never make me look bad. Just as I don’t want to make him look bad – except for the French Fry incident. He deserved all he got for that one.
However, I am far from perfect. In fact after reading my book, one snarky Amazon reviewer had much to say about my imperfections and how horrible it would be if he were stuck on a boat with me. While that man was just nasty, I admit that EW has to put up with more than being the primary topic of an imperfect writer, and I’m thankful that he’s never threatened to jettison me.
So, as a sort of Father’s Day present, here are some things I think EW would mention about me if he had a blog.
- I lose my glasses. Every day. Many times a day. We live on a boat, so this isn’t a large place in which to lose my glasses. I sigh and mumble soft swears and barge around the boat searching for the pair that I just had in my hands two minutes ago. It’s not pretty.
- I don’t always often I sometimes don’t He can pretty much expect me to speak before thinking at least once every few days. Sometimes I do so in a way that embarrasses him. Like the other day when we were having lunch at the counter at Jen’s, a charming restaurant and sandwich shop in St. Thomas. I was chatting with a couple of gentlemen on my right who asked what we were doing on the island. I briefly told them and finished by saying, “Stew’s a little ferry guy.” Meaning Stew is a captain on one of those small ferries in the harbor. But what I said was, “Stew’s a little ferry guy.” It went over very well on my right – not so much on my left, where EW sat. I swear I didn’t mean to say that. It just came out.
- That whole “lefty loosie/righty tighty” thing? I can’t remember it. Well, I can remember the words, but my body forgets pretty much every time, unless I say the words as I am turning whatever. This results in wasted water and a wet dinghy when filling water jugs at Crown Bay. It’s also a trial for EW when I am his mechanic’s assistant and why I prefer nails to bolts and screws.
- I can’t don’t haven’t really tried to resist an open bag of potato chips. This was a problem when we first moved in together over 28 years ago. When EW packs his lunch he likes that “something crunchy” thing from the Girl Scout guide – even if he doesn’t know about the Scouts’ suggestions for, “Something crunchy, something munchy, nothing squishy, nothing squashy”. EW can keep a bag of potato chips for over a week, pulling out a handful for lunch and carefully closing the bag to lock in freshness. I can eat the whole bag in one sitting. An open bag of chips calls to me, “Barbara .. Barbara .. We’re here. We’re Salty. We’re crunchy. You know you want us.” And I do. Back in the early days of our life together, he hid the chips on me before going to work. He hid them in his underwear drawer! Here’s the kicker: I looked for them and I looked in that drawer. But I didn’t find them because I didn’t expect him to put them under his t-shirts. The only thing that’s changed since is he hasn’t tried to hide the chips on the boat … probably because his underwear drawer is too small.
- I have not lost the weight I’ve been talking about for a year. EW is not allowed to discuss this with me, including the impact of my issue with potato chips. He is allowed to listen to what I volunteer whenever I choose to volunteer it.
- On the other hand, I have acted as though it is my right to discuss any of his faults, also whenever I so choose.
- I forget things. Not things like the French Fry incident. I’ll remember that forever. I forget important tasks, sometimes when I’m in the middle of doing them. For example, it is not safe for us to have a tea kettle that doesn’t whistle. I also too often forget to turn off the propane after cooking; to turn on Gramps, the wind generator after turning off the Honda; and to fill the dinghy tank with gas. Furthermore – and this isn’t pretty – I’ve been known more than once – to forget to return and flush the head after getting interrupted by a phone or VHF call, visitor, or whistling tea kettle.
- I remember things. Things like the French Fry incident. And any time EW has admitted to being wrong. I remember them forever. This is not a good thing.
- Also, I win the award for uttering the “Best Line During a Fight” Award. The line was uttered with disdain and a certain tilt of the head, “I wish you wouldn’t be so insistent when I know I’m right!” and it resulted in laughter and a cease fire. I have since uttered that line when wrong. More than once. That just speaks volumes about what EW has to put up with.
I have little patience, and a sharp tongue. That speaking without thinking is often not funny at all. Maybe I wouldn’t want to go to sea with me, either.
But there is no place I’d rather be than on a boat with EW, either sailing, or planning and working toward sailing. I love him, and I am very thankful that despite all of the above, he loves me. And I’m incredibly blessed that he has such a good sense of humor.
Thank you, EW. You are a wonderful father and husband and I love you.
I am EW and I read approved this message.